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I believe that the purpose of
life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being wants
happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor
education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we
simply desire contentment. I don’t know whether the universe, with its
countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but
– at the very least – it is clear that we humans who live on this earth
face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is
important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of
happiness.
For a start, it is possible to divide
every kind of happiness and suffering into two main categories: mental
and physical. Of the two, it is the mind that exerts the greatest
influence on most of us. Unless we are either gravely ill or deprived of
basic necessities, our physical condition plays a secondary role in
life. If the body is content, we virtually ignore it. The mind, however,
registers every event, no matter how small. Hence, we should devote our
most serious efforts to bringing about mental peace.
From my own limited experience, I have
found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the
development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness
of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes. Cultivating
a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at
ease. This helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and
gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the
ultimate source of success in life.
As long as we live in this world, we
are bound to encounter problems. If, at such times, we lose hope and
become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face difficulties. If, on
the other hand, we remember that it is not just ourselves but everyone
who has to undergo suffering, this more realistic perspective will
increase our determination and capacity to overcome troubles. Indeed,
with this attitude, each new obstacle can be seen as yet another
valuable opportunity to improve our mind! Thus, we can strive gradually
to become more compassionate; that is, we can develop both genuine
sympathy for others’ suffering and the will to help remove their pain.
As a result, our own serenity and inner strength will increase.
Our Need for Love
Ultimately, the reason why love and
compassion bring us the greatest happiness is simply that our nature
cherishes them above all else. The need for love lies at the very
foundation of human existence. It results from the profound
interdependence we all share with one another. However capable and
skillful an individual may be, left alone he or she will not survive.
However vigorous and independent one may feel during the most prosperous
periods of life, when one is sick or very young or very old, one must
depend on the support of others.
Interdependence, of course, is a
fundamental law of nature. Not only higher forms of life, but also many
of the smallest insects are social beings who, without any religion, law
or education, survive by mutual cooperation based on an innate
recognition of their interconnectedness. The most subtle level of
material phenomena is also governed by interdependence. In fact, all
phenomena – be they from the oceans, the clouds or the forests that
surround us – arise in dependence upon subtle patterns of energy.
Without their proper interaction, they dissolve and decay.
It is because our own human existence
is so dependent on the help of others that our need for love lies at the
very foundation of our existence. Therefore, we need a genuine sense of
responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others.
We have to consider what we human
beings really are. We are not like machine-made objects. If we were
merely mechanical entities, then machines themselves could alleviate all
of our suffering and fulfill our needs. However, since we are not solely
material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness
on external development alone. Instead, we should consider our origins
and nature to discover who we are and what it is we require.
Leaving aside the complex question of
the creation and evolution of our universe, we can at least agree that
each of us is the product of our own parents. In general, our conception
took place not just in the context of sexual desire, but also from our
parents’ decision to have a child. Such decisions are founded on
responsibility and altruism – the parents’ commitment to care for their
child until it is able to take care of itself. Thus, from the very
moment of our conception, our parents’ love is directly in our creation.
Moreover, we are completely dependent upon the care of our mothers from
the earliest stages of our growth. According to some scientists, a
pregnant woman’s mental state, be it calm or agitated, has a direct
physical effect on her unborn child.
The expression of love is also very
important at the time of birth. Since the very first thing we do is suck
milk from our mothers’ breast, we naturally feel close to her and she
must feel love for us in order to feed us properly; if she feels anger
or resentment, her milk may not flow freely. Then there is the critical
period of brain development from the time of birth up to at least the
age of three or four, during which time loving physical contact is the
single most important factor for the normal growth of the child. If the
child is not held, hugged, cuddled or loved, its development will be
impaired and its brain will not mature properly.
As children grow older and enter
school, their need for support must be met by their teachers. If a
teacher not only imparts academic education, but also assumes
responsibility for preparing students for life, his or her pupils will
feel trust and respect and what has been taught will leave an indelible
impression on their minds. On the other hand, that which is taught by a
teacher who does not show true concern for his or her students’ overall
well-being will not be retained for long.
Nowadays, many children grow up in
unhappy homes. If they do not receive proper affection, in later life
they will rarely love their parents and, not infrequently, will find it
hard to love others. This is very sad.
In the end, since a child cannot
survive without the care of others, love is its most important
nourishment. The happiness of childhood, the allaying of the child’s
many fears and the healthy development of its self-confidence all depend
directly upon love.
Similarly, if one is sick and being
treated at the hospital by a doctor who evinces a warm human feeling,
one feels at ease; and the doctor’s desire to give the best possible
care is itself curative, irrespective of the degree of his or her
technical skill. On the other hand, if one’s doctor lacks human feeling
and displays an unfriendly expression, impatience or casual disregard,
one will feel anxious, even if he or she is the most highly qualified
doctor and the disease has been correctly diagnosed and the right
medication prescribed. Inevitably, patients’ feelings make a difference
with respect to the quality and completeness of their recovery.
Even when we engage in ordinary
conversation in everyday life, if someone speaks with human feeling, we
enjoy listening and respond accordingly; the whole conversation becomes
interesting, however unimportant the topic may be. On the other hand, if
a person speaks coldly or harshly, we feel uneasy and wish for a quick
end to the interaction. From the least to the most important event, the
affection and respect of others are vital for our happiness.
Recently I met a group of scientists in
America who said that the rate of mental illness in their country was
quite high – around 12 percent of the population. It became clear during
our discussion that the main cause of depression was not a lack of
material necessities, but a deprivation of the affection of others. So,
as you can see from everything I have written so far, whether or not we
are consciously aware of it, from the day we are born the need for human
affection is in our very blood. Even if the affection comes from an
animal or someone we would normally consider an enemy, both children and
adults will naturally gravitate toward it.
I believe that no one is born free of
the need for love. And this demonstrates that, although some modern
schools of thought seek to do so, human beings cannot be defined as
solely physical. No material object – however beautiful or valuable –
can make us feel loved, because our deeper identity and true character
lie in the subjective nature of the mind.
The above excerpt is
taken from the new book, “In My Own Words: An Introduction to My
Teachings and Philosophy” by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, edited by
Rajiv Mehrotra. Published by Hay House (September 2008) and available at
bookstores or at www.amazon.com |
